I'll take "courtesy" for $700, please, Alex

Allow me to explain something.

Rejection in any form, while difficult, is needed. Hearing something to the effect of "I like you, but I don't think we are a match and we shouldn't continue dating" is cruddy to hear, yet it is final, finite, and a tangible answer to underlying questions. Similarly, "We have filled this position...Good luck with your search!" would be sad to read in an email.

But it would be an answer. Yet this simple task is sorely lacking in this job market.

I refuse to believe the economy is THAT tragic, THAT cumbersome, and a Human Resource Professional's position has become THAT horrifying and overwhelming that a 2 line email has become an impossibility. If I have taken the time to show interest in your company to the point that I am announcing my desire to work there, I deserve not only the professional recognition of a "yes or no," but the human dignity of it. When did we become a culture that was so jaded, even a "Go away" was too much effort? Really, America, I refuse to believe it.

We love rejection in the United States. We are the only language that employs multiple slang references for "I am taking this away from you and reveling in your disappointment!" (See "PSCH!" "Not," "Sucka," etc. for reference.) I am ASKING for a No...and yet...nothing.

The most obvious and pathetic byproduct of a lack of an answer, of course, is the faint hope that my resume is potentially lost on someone's desk (or, more delusionally, on a white board somewhere in an office as a team invents an amazing job for me and draws a lot of dollar signs near a flow chart that has my name on it.) Simply put - it makes me believe that I still have a shot. Because why not me? No, really - tell me. I'm asking you to. Tell me. Why not me?

I clearly haven't had my morning yoga class and ensuing Bloody Mary yet on this rainy New England morning - I'll snap out of it eventually.

In the meantime, Evil Company That Does Not Return Emails, a pox on you. Unless of course you're calling to offer me the job. In which case, I'm willing to change my answer.

Doing My Part

Can we call it reducing my carbon footprint if I'm showering every other day?

I'm going to go with that.

Pantsless Lawyer (remember him?  Try here and here.) has taken to IMing me a one-line blurb with no context.  But I know that you, Dear Reader, don't need context here any more than I do.

You can hang your head in shame along with me and Pantsless.

09/11/09 9:35 AM
[Pantsless Lawyer]: oh, this is the episode where Stan loses his business, and Dorothy convinces Blanche to go out with him to make him happy. I love this one.

09/23/09 11:06 AM
[Pantsless Lawyer]: this is the one where Blanche puts her winning lottery ticket in the leather jacket which Sophia then donates to goodwill.

10/13/09 11:02 AM
[Pantsless Lawyer]: this is the one where Rose has a heart attack

Things Are Tough All Over

OK, OK, I've been more than remiss.  I completely abdicated my blogging duties, and I should be forced to drink cheap bourbon as penance.

Or at least that's would should have happened if that wasn't in fact what I'd been doing for the last six weeks.  BTW: did you know Evan Williams (retail: under $30 for a 1.75) was a favorite of Mark Twain?  You didn't?  Turns out he wasn't actually a fan, and I'd remembered wrong in the store.  But can I really be a man under the age of 40 who drinks Old Crow?  

At any rate, the job search creeps slowly forward.  As a fierce believer in the First Amendment, this should be right up my alley, right?

Growing gay adult film company is seeking a full time staff attorney in Chicago, IL to work alongside our outside counsel in various copyright, trademark and other litigation.

+ Candidate should be a recent graduate or experienced person who is a member of the Illinois Bar
+ Candidate should have good computer skills, research and drafting skills, and good writing skills.
+ Candidate should be interested in protecting free speech rights as well as protecting our copyrights and trademarks.

This is an excellent opportunity for the right candidate that wants to be part of a growing company for a long term.

Please email resume with cover letter

Location: Chicago, IL - LakeView
Compensation: 45k to start
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I now regret my use of the word "alley" a few lines ago.  

Pantsless Lawyer in St. Louis, whom you may remember from this post, had the following to contribute:

• [Pantsless Lawyer]: i think they forgot a bullet point or two in that ad
• [Deja Vu]: such as?
• [Pantsless Lawyer]: ideal candidate should be interested in protecting free speech rights and fisting.
  
• [Pantsless Lawyer]: should be able to draft and negotiate while surrounded by cum shots

Mrs. Vu doesn't find this all that funny.  I've joked that joblessness could drive a man to porn, but this is the first time I've ever been confronted with the opportunity.  I'm just dying to know the name of the company.